Getting very personal...

I can never get enough of all of this Blackbird. One of these days I'm just going to go completely inward. For me everything seems like a test. You just keep on trucking dear.

Thanks tgII, I'm on the first video of the canon law. From the first pope elected..... "I am the King of all Creatures, including humans." He apparently thinks he is the God in the bible.

Frank o collins is more well read than rob menard. learned quite a few new things from that first video.

Good news to learn people are listening, reading and educating themselves.
How many times in history is this going to have to be repeated before we
learn anything hey?

Suggestion: Start reading the Canon Laws at Frank O'Collins' web site.

im reading franks
" real definitions of 200 commonly believed words that are used frequently to define our rights but have quite different meanings to what we think. "

read to the letter E. the most shocking was in the D section, the word Disclosure

"From 16th Century Latin disclaudere, English/French desclore meaning "the act of providing information on discoveries, uncovered truth and exposures to a higher authority by legal CONSENT". Contrary to deliberately misleading definitions attributed to the word, Disclose/Disclosure has never been about revealing truth and knowledge, but about hiding it, controlling and (sometimes) destroying it. The word is constructed from two pre-6th Century Latin words dis = "away" and clausus "to confine, shut up, close, blockade, besiege". The word "disclosure" means literally "to confine away, to shut up away, to close away". Disclosed information can legally be withheld from public view, seized and destroyed. In contrast, the correct ancient Roman legal term for full disclosure is comperio = "to disclose fully, find out with certainty, lay open / learn, find out"."


I also listened to most of franks youtube lectures, and it was validating to realize that Pope Bonafice 8ths Unan Sanctum declaration had the pope claim dominion over all the worlds property and things. And made us all into "creatures". Tribes that are not part of the system are indigeneous creatures or animals and we are a small step above that, we are enslaved creatures. Domesticated animals. Law is a roman cult creation, and serves as the utility to bind us all into the machinations of their philosophies and Papal Bulls/claims.

Frank O collins also said one more thing about jesuits and that was that until the mid 19th century all papal bulls were printed on the human skin of children. because they believed that writing was a dead medium but believed that if written on something that was once alive its spirit would give life to the words and intents written down.

its been 800 years of the pope and its institutions making steps towards owning the world and were all trapped in this invisible field of law that we dont understand.

It just seems like the world wont want to wish they knew more until its too late to even know more.

What is the alternative? Listen carefully to what Frank O'Collins said
in one of his recent discussions.

...what are the people right now and the near future supposed to do with this kind of information even if they ever get it?

Not other people but you yourself. What are you going to do
since this knowledge has now set up a tension in your existence?

Am paying attention to Ucadia and Frank O'collins, appreciate the suggestion and presentation of... TgII. Absolutely mind blowing and this inner judgement that I should give more credit too, says to me that this is important knowledge to get a handle on.

Kinda funny when I think back on all the avenues that could have been traveled and led to endless cul de sacs, for whatever reason I think there is something intuitively active within my being that assists in a kind of personal guidance mechanism. Brings to mind an example perhaps remembered by others, a man whose name I don't recall and he spoke of pyramids balancing the earth and the moon and an encounter with blue men. I'd never seen nor heard of him before this time that I decided to watch a video someone had posted back on the mtsar forum. Something about his demeanor and the way he presented his info set off this guidance system in a way that was not necessarily negative. More like I remember thinking he is full of something other than wisdom. Anyways, Just wanted to share that thought. The years go by and I find myself focusing more on information that I feel is more pertinent to what the problems and solutions are. I want to think that I can't be fooled so easily (my ego has needs ya know...lol), but I do know that is not always so. Maybe my willingness to admit that to myself also helps the internal bullshit filter.

Hope you all are doing very well and enjoying what you can of the change of season I'd do a spring time, new grass dance for you all but here in southern florida...there is always grass...

Ten years is a long time, am just realizing the time passed as a cigarette burns my finger while typing. This is how long I've been married to one who is still a stranger to me. Out of convenience...yes...true love...no. Passion is a funny and temporary thing, is it not in most cases. Attempting to free write without filter or correction of obvious typos.
Am so grateful on the one hand to have been presented this gift to research and question so many subjects. On the other hand it has been difficult to seek seemingly alone this answer to questions not often asked. I feel like running away as is the usual when times got rough...there is no where to run too anymore that does not reflect the origin of the difficulty, directly experienced.

These times ahead are astrologically supposed to be quite positive for one such as myself, why am I still so self-doubting. No direction in which to focus this intense capacity. A servant of truth, a healer /shaman, a wanderer. I've no answer...
Sometimes I feel like just packing a bag and going for a very long walk. Surely something will happen if I where to do such a thing.

This is the thread to get personal and I'd like to express these thoughts on that level. My ego says that I need to get out and make some friends (ego whispered to by eternal influence mostly) What to do, if I'd the courage to end it there has always been ample opportunity to do so...must not be what I really want. Yet, I don't feel like I know what I really want. Excluding the feeling of want as supposed to what I presently "have".

I appreciate the responses to the earlier post regarding a sense of depleted energy or retro-version in those wonderfully beautiful subjects I'd studied. Read an article today about loneliness and how I may be right where I should be...why don't I feel that? Why is it when I listen to the "other " I perceive with a kind of clarity, but when I focus that upon myself and the internal compass the arrow just seems to spin as it did in the exercise I was taught when learning to demonstrate to others a telekinesis ( an affect of mind on external objects). I sometimes think that I know what I should be doing, but I do not...do...that which may benefit myself and others by proxy of empowering this self.

Is it obvious my confusion and self destructive behavior? Sometimes I think it is and then I feel ashamed...I should know by now what is good and what is not.

I always find that I want to comment on the deeper issues of subjects brought about on this forum. Then I see how I avoid philosophy, conspiracy, etc...it is not that I've no-thing to say...more like I feel like a big dummy cause I've no where to really focus this fire...

Anyways, just topically getting personal and writing down the thoughts as they float by...

Hi there Blackbird, I hear you...and it's good to hear your thoughts.
What is it inside of you that is blocking you or stopping you from moving forward.

[quote]Is it obvious my confusion and self destructive behavior? Sometimes I think it is and then I feel ashamed...I should know by now what is good and what is not[quote]
Do you think you don't know what is good and what is not by now because you never got to choose for yourself those things. And that you can't find that because you still believe that you are a person you were made out to be, a false person, no true identity. Self destruction because you can't find that self love.

What stops me from moving forward in life are obligations. I feel I have to work out karmas before I can move ahead. I put myself into some crazy situations that are so stressful, but I tell myself it's just karma. This is real bad for me, because then I don't have time to work on myself and that's really just hurting myself.
But if I find that I'm hurting another or they are hurting me, I somehow manage to eventually get out of the situation. I know things always change and will and I have no sense of time so that helps a little. It's funny in that I want to be a kid always, I don't want to grow up and become the people around me, which is what most likely happens. An adult just creating more problems. I just want to live in my own cave.
Also astrologically I need my feet on the ground and some kind of security so change could be difficult for me.
Just some thoughts....always do what is best for your true Self.
I know... sounds like just another wishy washy statement......we try...don't See anything?...that's ok..little by little we can get there......

Hello there Seraphim,

Sounds about right, a sliver of my true self may remain but it is buried under all the b.s. Been hating on what I have for many years thought I was/am. Spent a good part of my day recalling sweet childhood memories. trying to remember what it was like to just be in those moments. A few things observed...need to spend more time on looking at these memories/thoughts without being harsh or defeatist. Most of the memories remembered were of myself observing the world in a fresh and new way, by myself. Would often spend a good amount of time outside in nature and when I lived in the city I was still often by myself. I use to like me, but it wasn't like I thought about it... it was just that way. Sure my parents were not the best guides or protectors, but they didn't have great examples either. Can't blame them for that anymore. Don't want to keep blaming me either.

To answer your question from another thread, I've not been exercising with any regularity. Haven't really been doing anything on a consistent basis, except reading.

Feeling like it is time to take a break from the computer. Time to refocus and get it together. This time I won't be making the same mistakes. When I began to change my diet/lifestyle a few (okay more than a few) years back, I stopped smoking, drinking and eating toxic food all at the same time. Felt amazing for the first three weeks or so and then started to fall back into the same old habits. Was trying to figure out what went wrong. I think I thought it was all going to be easy and by removing those bad habits like that without replacing them with positive creative expressions was one of the reasons why it was so easy to gravitate backwards despite the good feeling and sense of accomplishments. The cliche "fake it till you make it" comes to mind (bleh). Once I realized my folly there was a feeling of failure even worse than any failings felt before. Came down really hard on myself. Been beating that self up almost every day since.

Don't want to do that anymore. This time is not because I think I'll look better being skinnier or cool to someone else because I can talk about how I overcame my self-destructive habits. Not saying those were my only motivations but being honest I think that was more important at the time then what my real reasons should have been. Like being stronger and more fit for myself, being more intelligent for myself and feeling good about myself because I've done all this work to better myself for myself...

I need my feet on the ground and some kind of security so change could be difficult for me

Same here and nothing you said sounded wishy washy. I appreciate your comments Seraphim.

You seem like a good human being and I like hearing your thoughts as well. Same goes for all the posters to this forum. I wish you all the best and I trust you all are capable of doing the things you want and deserve in your lives.

Will check in on occasion, and share some thoughts. Anytime any of you guys happen to be visiting florida, feel free to say hello.

Never took that break from the computer, more like a momentary non-participation. Feel a bit sheepish (pun intended) for my previous post. Good to see you all actively engaged in sharing insights.

Spent most of my morning researching slavery's history. From the Romans, moors to the "whites" and to the "jews" (even some native american tribes) and on. What prompted a re-investigation was a conversation had with an old friend who is currently taking a history 101 class in a small town. Was communicated to her by the history professor of the class that all history is based on perception and that Anglo-Saxons have been the worst and only perpetrators of slavery. My friend is of Scotts-Irish lineage and I felt as if she'd been misinformed or at least the teacher was not fully informed. Spent about three hours compiling info from various sources for her to take a look at. Turns out that she doesn't really care much, but at least I got to review a whole lot of info in my time spent.

My goodness! I can't believe it took me this long to thank you once again for your kindness Blackbird. I must have missed looking at these posts.
Have you been doing anything for yourself.
Okay take care now and everyone here as well........

Hi there Seraphim, appreciate the thanks and to answer your question, I have and have not. What I mean is that I am working on it.
Hope you have been very well and good to hear from you!

Check out...Jews and African slavery.

I've looked into "da jooz" involvement in the slave trade. As well as many others, including Natives participation. Seems like slavery (of one sort or another) is as old as written history. It is difficult for me to pass on much of the info I've researched to others verbally without text to back up my relation, which is even moreso odd since I often don't recall specific details (name and dates) which seem to be so important to some detail oriented minds. Yet, I can almost verbatim recall a conversation from years past...whats up with that I often ask myself. Thanks anyways for the pointer quick.

I hardly ever get sick, but I had this mild cough for the past two weeks...usually something brought home by my kids from kindergarten...they are like germ and snot factories.
Then three days ago, I awoke and the cough was non-stop and just kicking the literally shit out of me.
So I meander over to the doctor and run some tests.

Bacterial pneumonia.

What???
This shit is really kicking my ass.

So I have my antiobiotics and will spend the next week or two trying to overcome.

In the United States, about 5% of those diagnosed with pneumococcal pneumonia will die. In cases where the pneumonia progresses to blood infection, just over 20% will die.

I got no problem with seeing what is on...the other side. But perhaps would prefer having an aneurysm while having an orgasm...maybe during a solo interlude so as not to alarm the wife too much. Ah ...maybe she wouldn't take that too well either...now the imagery comes to my mind.

Imagine the look on her face...seeing me there mouth gaping, dead with my pecker in my hand...


...trust me bro', she got skills...

thnx flames...

I appreciate a man that can conjure dark humour under duress Qsc, transmitting my best healing intentions as i type. Theres a lot of people around this country with tickle coughs and I've heard some have been diagnosed with pneumonia as well

Hope you feel better soon Quicksilvercrescendo!

That lady sure does have pretty colored eyeballs, but her...uh...chest looks like swollen tonsils.

Damn, Qsc, get well and none the sooner. If you die with your King Richard in your
hand, please have your wifey forward an image of that moment and I will be sure to
replace that image above of whatever the hell that was in that image above claiming
it has skills with your replacement image - dick in hand and all.

Be well...

Hi Q, that cough had it's round here too, hope you feel better. I bet it comes from mold. Ever since the weather changed there has been some interesting molds out there. And turns into pneumonia and then the bacteria proliferate. This cough sticks with you for awhile. A real great remedy is Osha root. And one for the mold is propolis (also acts as an antibiotic), but in homeopathic doses, so one or maybe two drops from a tincture.
Our little ones do pick up everything. I give my sister herbs right away if she comes down with anything. Also I give her powdered vitamin c once in awhile, a life saver! And cod liver oil and a muli vit alternating.

Found out I was adopted june 18th 1987

almost two years after my birth. I feel compelled to look into this because it doesnt feel like a coincidence or a random date. 445 days after my birthday

june 18 is 6. 666.

445 is 13 or 4. 4 is the number of death

That's got to be a trip. You mean, your parents just now told you that you were adopted, or you found out from somewhere else? I'd demand an explanation from them!

no, whats new is the date i was adopted. but i was born in 85. but lived with them for 1.5 years.

my mom was involved in red cross and the ministry of social services...they had fostered dozens of kids in he 60s and 70s before me.

but because of my biological christian background, i feel like the satanic social services engineered maybe a satanic adoption date for me.


for june 18th coming once a year and them having months and months to decide and for the paperwork all to fall onto that day just seems a little unlikely unless either it is in fact a coincidence or there is somethign esoteric about it.

i feel like the satanic social services engineered maybe a satanic adoption date for me

That would explain a great many things.