A topic about lifeforce/sexuality/orgone/sinning/religion

broad topic sorry. Had a birthday a few weeks ago and it got me thinking, figured id jot down my current thoughts here since this is the only place i do such things, and while the audience is small its quality to have anybody read and reverberate anything back.

So over this past summer ive been paying careful attention to my energy. food sleep...abandoning masterbation as much as i can. Noticed my abilities to do anything have improved. I even look younger. i didnt think i would get such things from it. i have been using my gym membership which expires in 25 days from now. the muscle gain has improved my posture and is hiding the slight crook in my spine from being a computer nerd. anyways..its all coming together.

i re-read the concepts of orgone and part of me still dismisses it because its literally too acutely painful the reality of what it apparently is and does to people. an energy that science still doesnt acknowledge and probably never will that is the lifeforce of all living things? the lifeforce that powers us up and creates the sexual energy? even if you can have all the orgone you want. that would just make you even more sexual...but you need a positive outlet. You can't jerkoff and expect anything good just because you're an orgone enriched individual. you'd have to find a mate and a heterosexual mate. to do anything than find a suitable heterosexual mate is basically to do something to yourself that is subtle but incredibly damaging. masterbation is a sin i believe now because its an ABUSE of your sexual energy. it also makes it hard to enjoy a females touch because a female feels "strange". i remember this when i was a teenager and i got my first go at a womans body. I didn't enjoy it i had to learn to enjoy her. ANY masterbation you do as a 11 or 12 year old and up, is basically degrading in small amounts the imprinted "this feels right" right-away feeling when you finally get your chance at a female. of course a woman is a stranger. but shes only a stranger if your hand is your lover. if you've never known your own hand or a female equally. when you finally get with a female, it will imprint onto you and be the thing you desire. masterbation will be to mimic vaginas...but if you masterbate first....vaginas mimic hands.

and this i believe...is one of the many things that starts people on strange paths...even homosexuality. which im now intuitively almost certain is energy related. because ive been paying attention over the years to transexuals in particular and one thing ive noticed or heard people say is that they act more feminine...sad part is that its true..they do because they are overcompensating because they're not actually feminine...they have to try all the time..their voice takes conscious effort to feminize it...their looks...its all an act. but why would a male want to act like a woman anyways?

in my opinion..its not because they feel like women deep down. Its because they are too "lame" and "uncool" to be men. they cannot express themselves in a capacity to be a male. to be a male you have to be able to stand bare naked in front of females and not be ashamed of your body and your sexuality...there is a huge difference between a man who can stand naked and knows that any females looking upon him are intrigued..vs a naked man who all females look away and ignore. the person who enters puberty and doesnt have the innate skills to be a natural cool male, then feels unnattracted to females and believes he's into guys because he doesnt know how to use enough of his abilities in the context of heterosexual attraction. It takes massive effort to be a sexually attracive male. its an Active role....it requires guts, it requires creativity...it requires intellect...it requires being comfortable with some or all of your clothes off in the presence of the opposite sex. A female role...its a passive role. it just sits around and tries and really doesnt do much or say much.


the base energy in us that determines our sexuality is i dont beleive sexual energy. i beleive this energy becomes sexual energy once it powers up our abilities. and what abilities we have, and how powered up they are, determines our sexual orientation

if somebody has adequate orgone as a male child. They then are "extroverted" enough to become possibly, still a heterosexual. because there is enough energy to power up their personality and male criteria that females when seeing these aspects displayed with the orgone powering them up. creates a feedback of positive response that this male is on good terms with the opposite sex and can use the orgone and extrovertedness to learn and develop his heterosexual male persona and inner identities. anything short of this...is opening up degrees of failure to be hetero.

orgone is then polarized at the age of our youth. it accumulates in different individuals for different reasons, but is also a cumulative energy. just like most things..the rich get richer and the poor get poor. those that get or have orgone blessed to them, retain it and get more of it while orgone vanishes leaves people who have little of it. (ive noticed in almost everything in life theres a miridian but this miridian seperates passive gain or passive loss of something.)

now for why sexuality is really promoted in the youth...since orgone is present and developing in the new generations..by having youths engage in sex early and promoting sex. the heteros develop into their most powerful potentials. while everybody else develops into their least powerful potentials.

when males and females who are sufficient with orgone have sex the earlier, the better. because it creates an early imprint of the opposite sexes body and is healthy. by having everybody watch the "cool" people lead early immitations of what adult life is like when they reach adulthood, it leaves everyone else with porn and masturbation. which further de-familiarilizes such people with the opposite sex. like in my case. didnt ahve sex until i was 19 and i was fortunate that this person became my girlfriend..but it took me months to feel comfortable or natural with her. and when we broke up...my hand still didnt feel like a stranger just because i barely visited the hand during the 1.5 year relationship. going back to it, was like going back to my original relationship...my original relationship was with myself. why? cause i lacked orgone when i was 13 and couldnt be one of the alphas to have sex in the 8th grade...and because religion is universally derided upon. i masterbated and looked at porn because god doesnt exist and i have nothing to fear.

but maybe religions didnt say masturbation was wrong because god doesnt "like it" as the assumption is with muslims and pork meat. maybe there is purposes to information contained in religions that we should stop thinking is the word of god because god said so..and maybe there is some god damn wisdom behind it? We have to know everything and because we cant verify the wisdom in infromation. we disregard it.

not trying to be pro religion here merely stating my opinion how we value the information in religions because its "from" religions.

I think i have something to add this soon that touches upon how i believe what works against heterosexuality. Just two things. They are two memes, that conflict with one another but also interfere seperately and together with the male self image. But just the two ideas themselves are "dont inflict things upon women"(using inflict because its more general than punch hit or shove) and "women are equal to men". these two ideas are contradictory. Not to advocate violence towards anybody. but what is the reason for ingraining into young boys and girls that women cant be inflicted upon under any circumstances, yet women are equal in ability to men? These two ideas are said so many times, that the minds of youth accept these ideas together. If these ideas are accepted, it means rationale thought is bypassed. Its a logical fallacy, but it becomes one that we question less and less as we get older and we even start to think even more irrational beliefs to justify these beliefs. these could be "well of course it doesnt make sense, but women are weaker, thats why we need equality for them" ...another fallacy to justify the original fallacy.

how these damage male sexual development? well i believe heterosexual sex is violent to a degree in nature. as i said in my original post i view the male organ as a sword or a weapon. and part of using that weapon is to possess a female and have her "put up with" your junk until you climax. even consensual sex has rape elements to it. because once a women consents. she has to basically continue with the sex unless an excuse can be made that justifies the male stopping prematurely. this could be blood, pain, discomfort. an emergency. but basically once she signs up. shes contracted with the male, for however long that male needs to take or wants to take. shes a bit at his mercy (but not total mercy, because she does have ways out with the right excuses). the problem is. if sex has elements of violence. and were told since young ages not to hurt or hit girls...how do we deal with our developing urges to possess and mount girls? slamming and thrusting our bodies against theres? if women are equal and were told this in conjunction with the notion of not to hurt girls. how do we justify possessing a female? possession implies dominance. but how can you make a women submit to your will when shes your equal. and at the same time, how can you conceptualize and justify your own male biology and what it inherently does or appears to do to female during sexual intercouse when we are not supposed to "inflict" anything upon women?

this dilemma i believe causes young males to second guess themselves during sexual development, because like the fallacy inherent in the two notions of dont inflict things upon women and women are equal (these are not fallacies seperately, only when used together). a young male has to develop and relate themselves following these notions and somehow justifying that their own sexuality doesnt break these rules in any way. if a male feels that they are transgressing these notions, i feel that they lose their sexual identity as a possesser and conqueror and could develop abherrations of an identity crisis and/or homosexuality.

On top of this, this fallacy of notions serves to elevate women to somewhere "above equal" even though the supposed agenda behind it is to make them equal. when this happens, and with males own esteem and identity issues that would result from the confusing and conflicting ideas during development, actually segregates males and makes males less sexual because regardless of notions being spread around for females and usually by females, a females biology dictates that they only copulate with males who are superior to them, and who are superior to other males. this forces many males to masturbate for longer periods of time until they finally get a chance to express their sexuality with a female, at which point, if this male is even heterosexual still, it wont even be a good experience or done properly with full vigor and confidence because he doesnt know how hes supposed to act with his clothes off or how a women wants to be treated vs should be treated.

if this fallacy was replaced by women shouldnt be inflicted upon because they are not equal. it wouldnt interfere with male sexual development, because we would be able to justify our sexuality for what it is, a possessive dominant force within the context of a sexual experience.

Thats all said and done. I guess i have only religion and sinning to touch upon now. if only to make sense of why i made this topic involving the words religion and sinning. i didnt really say much of what was on my mind yet.

basically during may i became "Christian" however im not sure if this will stick, and im doing a bad job so far. its not so much an allegiance that i wanted because i wanted to believe in the holy spirit or jesus. but moreso just to align myself against "evil". i used to goto heavy metal concerts and make the devils horn and rock out. and then i noticed george bush and company and many other world leaders use the same handsign. and then i just disassociated myself from heavy metal. not that i didnt listen to the music sometimes. but that making symbols with my hands just felt "wrong" after seeing people i despised doing the same thing. is it all a joke?

At this point in my life, i highly doubt anything is a joke. i take sexuality especially very seriously because i think its the main reason we are alive. its what were supposed to do its the last and final act we are ever supposed to do if we are supposed to do just one thing, its to make love and make another generation but also remain ALIVE because it takes 8 years to get a human being olf enough to survive should his parents die. but thats in ancient terms. in modern terms, 20 years. so if politics, sociologists, special interest groups, nations, want to mess around with our energy, psychology, sexuality and everything else. im going to make a stand. and im not going to stand on the side of whatever energy force is always drawn and depicted as having boobs and penis. im just not. maybe just saying "im christian" and im going to try to be one, might make bad energies leave me alone. maybe just making that affirmation that im willing to make a standoff against "evil" maybe evil will goto someone much more easily controlled.

Hello, Highnoon. Seems that you are trying to do what's best for you, that's great. And glad you are trying to get out of the brainwashing.
I wanted to say a few things because your post relates to my post about why elephants go into a rage, because they really are so much like us socially and emotionally.
I think it's real sad that males these days especially don't have much mentoring, and even more so is practically no education for males or females about sex. I believe alpha males turn out to be very sexual because they start puberty at a younger age and so have sex at a younger age. Of course alot has to do with horomones, which kick in early for them either due to some stress or imbalance in their system. This gives them confidence around females, which is the key to score a female. And that's very true.
Sometimes I can't believe how violent some males have become, because of this very abnormal, harmful and twisted society. To see that in elephants made me cry.
If a person can't treat themselves with respect and all that, how can they treat another like that. You have to build those qualities you want inside yourself first.
Forget all those quality/inequality things and media tactics going on. I'm so amazed how people all want to look and act a certain way. And they pay alot of money for that.

Because you are not like an alpha male doesn't mean you are less heterosexual IMO. Just less sexually potent. Which has more to do with the energy that was around during conception. But to be more potent all you have to do is take testosterone. But it's like a fake energy, getting it that way. What do you think about orgone instead? And accumulating your energy instead of using it up all the time, maybe there is a reason why masturbating is a sin for that reason. But I think the christians wanted to cover up everything about sex and that's why they said it was all a sin, because they know maybe it can do other things for us. In that case it's not a sin, if one uses it in the right way?
Maybe you have picked up on all the dysfunctional things going around, this post has got me thinking.

And what of this energy, was it the one Eve learned about in the garden?
And if our organs were downgraded how are we even to use this?

Now that force by means of which one human being turns toward the outside in order to act together with another is love. The superhuman beings directed all their love outward in order to let universal wisdom flow into their soul. “Man” however can only direct a part of it outward. “Man” became sensual, and thereby his love became sensual. He draws away from the outside world that part of his nature which he directs toward his inner development. And thus that arises which one calls selfishness.

When he became man or woman in the physical body, “man” could surrender himself with only a part of his being; with the other part he separated himself from the world around him. He became selfish. And his action toward the outside became selfish; his striving after inner development also became selfish. He loved because he desired, and likewise he thought because he desired wisdom.

The task of the superhuman natures, of the great leaders, was that they impressed upon youthful man their own character, that of love. They could do this only for that part of the spiritual energy which was directed outward. Thus sensual love was produced. It is therefore a consequence of the activity of the soul in a male or female body.
Sensual love became the force of physical human development. This love brings man and woman together insofar as they are physical beings. Upon this love rests the progress of physical humanity.

It was only over this love that the superhuman natures had power. That part of human soul energy which is directed inward and is to bring about cognition by the detour through the senses — that part is withdrawn from the power of those superhuman beings. However, they themselves had never descended to the development of corresponding inner organs. They could clothe the impulse toward the external in love, because love acting toward the external was part of their own nature. Because
of this, a gulf opened between them and youthful mankind. Love, at first in sensual form, they could plant in man; knowledge they could not give, for their own knowledge had never made the detour through the inner organs which man was now developing. They could speak no language which a creature with a brain could have understood.

From Evola's The Doctrine of Awakening

whats happening to elephants? why are they raging, how is the new world order affecting them?

not that a backstory is needed. but i had a mixture of alpha life and i wouldnt say beta life, but removed from life life. alpha life, age 5-13 sports teams, lead pitcher for baseball. friends outside my school in other schools. semi popular at elementary. 14-17 missed chunks of highschool, psychiatric drugs. weight gain of 100 pounds. scars/stretch marks all over my body. when i re-entered highschool i was behind so far that i just got disinterested. i wasnt even around people for much of the time during my puberty years. so i cant even really say. my personal identity is remnants of pre puberty success with failures of all kinds during puberty

i have a personality disorder which not all notice which made it hard to assimiliate during adulthood, and of course insecurities about my education level or occupations are factors. but yeah

this post is not directly from personal experience. but how i personal saw things unfold around me for others as well. i guess ive givin very strong negative impressions or vibes on this forum over the years. haha. the funny part is. if anyone does ever endup marrying me. im going to have to leave out 90% of memories experiences..they'll just be gaps that are vaguely defined. just take large chunks of my life that i take to the grave ya know? i have only lies to give to people who may love me in the future.

thats why i just let it all out here cause this is one of the only places i can speak my mind.

Masturbations an interesting subject , I've no doubt that it can be exactly as you illustrated high noon, an abuse of sexual energy , but i also believe it can be a relief mechanism , even a means to love yourself as well as hate yourself , so as in everything , it is what state of mind and how the thing is performed and experienced that is the key to which form of effect it has on the self

The definition of masturbation could be quite different for everyone , the simple define is that a person gets off or relieves themselves of their sexual tension using their imagination and physicality as the sole stimulants

If a person becomes habitually attuned to doing this, then when they engage with a real person, there could be some friction between their sexually conditioned imaginary and the unfolding sexual reality in regard to what their consciousness and emotions are processing

i reckon that a person attuned to masturbation may find it more difficult to allow their emotions to flow out sincerely to another person in conjunction with their sexual energy arousal , because the act of habitual solo masturbation must attune the emotional body to conform in a certain process of expression which is by its nature introverted flowing in , and so when suddenly encountering a real sexual partner , when sexually aroused, although the mind may want to flow to the partner, the emotions have been conditioned to do the opposite , which is presented as a blockage in the reality engagement , there could be conflict there I'm considering in the emotional synchronisation with sexual arousal which may lead to loss of erection, and to counterpunch that loss, the host may be encouraged to increase physical stimulation , even by hand if necessary as that what they attuned to , and in doing so, they have already been ejected out of the reality erotic spell which is where ecstasy is woven between 2 people

So to conclude , i think masturbation is a very complex subject absolutely different for every person

On the subject of alpha males , again, all is not what it seems , just because certain people look like they are getting all the fun, does not mean that they truly are, if you look into the eyes of someone you consider to be an alpha male , do you feel jealous or repulsed , i guess it comes down to what one presently values in existence , the aquasitional presence or the spiritual presence , off course there may be some rare alpha spiritual males, and they may attract my admiration , but that a rare species

The feminisation of men is also interesting , according to your age , I'm a little older than you, and i remember when i in school , the males were mostly mother xxers , there was very little feminisation in them , actually they needed to develop the feminine qualities in themselves but were inhibited from doing so by the prevalent dominant masculine culture , so i see it today as more swinging further in the opposite direction and i think it may balance itself out in the future

But the connection of sexual energy and god/religion is fascinating because once again, before any person decides what is or is not the proper way to exist, they must first deal with their belief or lack of belief in a higher level of spiritual intelligence , once that belief is committed to, it must have profound effect on all other beliefs

“Man” however can only direct a part of it outward. “Man” became sensual, and thereby his love became sensual. He draws away from the outside world that part of his nature which he directs toward his inner development. And thus that arises which one calls selfishness.

When he became man or woman in the physical body, “man” could surrender himself with only a part of his being; with the other part he separated himself from the world around him. He became selfish. And his action toward the outside became selfish; his striving after inner development also became selfish. He loved because he desired, and likewise he thought because he desired wisdom.

We give ourselves self-confidence...but it is our social environment that gives us our self-esteem.
...you must live your lifes...Esteem does not outweigh confidence in self. it is best to get both,
but if not...it is still better to be confident and not betray yourselves.

Ive found the same therapy in exercise, flames. about the financial instability. yeah that can get annoying. i get calls daily for small debts for this and that. The harassment they give to people is very unpleasant and I would say unprofessional. i guess companies dont want people fucking around with them so they grill you till you pay. but what it does is tear down the respect that someone may have had for their company. Ive paid off a small phone bill debt and when i did so, they treated me like they never called me 50 times per day for months...like its water under the bridge for them and they're back into their receiving money on time mentality but its still fresh in your mind how they kept calling you and dehumanized the relationship. its a wonder why i even go back to the same company, when therse several other companies that will glady take my money, but you know what? they all would do the same to me should i not pay the bill. So i dont feel the need in changing my service. it also doesnt make sense to be a company that prides itself in some strange customer service related area like "we pride ourselves in the fact that we dont come after people that hard who dont pay us"....cause such a company would just attract bad customers for making that their slogan.

none of their losses are company threatening losses, and its not like theyre not price gouging their customer base in the first place either. you cant even get caller ID without paying 8 dollars. Why does this cost 8 dollars? this is cheaper to provide than ketchup is for fries. and yet ketchup is still free (for the time being)

Anyways. yeah. love is some volatile energy state that we all want. life can feel like on life support unless you have love. i used to think that way. i was also confused all the time by this idea that we have to do bad things in order to enjoy good things. like deal drugs and then launder your dirty money to purify the origin of where it all came from. people are usually on that selfish path of destruction of anything that isnt themselves. if they're the last man standing then believe they will have reached a win condition or something

back in school we were told about this girl who was murdered in a river by her peers. she was beatenm burned with cigarettes and had her head held underwater. we all we sold this "feel sorry for rena virk" by the media and teachers. this was our columbine massacre at the time in the late 90's. but a documentary later revealed the girl who was murdered was a real bitch. she pretended to get molested by her dad so she could be put in a group home where other cool posse girls lived because she wanted to befriend them. then she stole someones phonebook and called these numbers and spread lies about the owner of the book. and also had sex with another persons boyfriend. THATS why she was murdered. not saying she deserved it. but she was far from this innocent girl. in the end its just people causing destruction to other people to try to advance themselves. but this particular girl made too many bad, blunt, unclever choices too fast, against a particularily violent group of teenagers.

the story in itself is about a girl spinning information(lying about being molested, lying to people she called from another persons phonebook) to suit her own ends, for love. and then ironiclly the government spins that story? to promote their superfriends and antibullying messages? and for what...peace and love? i guess the truth was too confusing to expect that people would have the "same" idea about it? if half the student body said "fuck rena virk, what a bitch" then they cant use her death to lessen the bullying of others. but arent we entitled to the true story? arent' we allowed to get all the facts so we can draw our own conclusions?

I have to lie to myself just to promote love to others? but only certain others? If i believe rena virk was a good person, then i may use her to template all of my future encounters with similiar situations, but the truth is, rena virk WAS a bitch. so why should i feel sorry for her? but even if she WAS a good person, innocent even. why should her innocence be used to influence all my decision making in the future? isnt every case its own story? doesnt every problem need its own analysis?

im not going to spread love for my governments reasons because i was told a story that was a lie about a true event. that is just hampering my own criticial thinking and the critical thinking of others. and if the government is trying to control our criticial thinking. it doesnt love us, and probably doesnt want us to be tolerant for the reasons we think they want us to be tolerant for.

the government doesnt love me. but it doesnt love anybody. it would be a fallacy to base anything internal on especially that external interest. but there are a lot of external interets that "seem" valid in what they may think of us. we only care what something might think because whether its a guy or a girl. it will down the road lead to the opposite sex. guys introduce girls so having other guys think highly of you is important. its just doors. people are just opportunities. love = opportunities, and they keep multiplying. the more of each you have the more of each...but if you can count your loves and opportunities on one hand. then you live in a closed off world. you cannot wake up any day and feel that portals are around you to take you in different directions as you may will it. you feel trapped

highnoon, you switch on a terrible urge within me...

(CENSORED)

Anyways....take a deep breath please ----and stop orienting yourself from all things **outside** of importance!

(you are the one trapping yourself for crying out shhhh)

It's time to pay attention to what really matters.

OKAY USA

he story in itself is about a girl spinning information(lying about being molested, lying to people she called from another persons phonebook) to suit her own ends, for love. and then ironiclly the government spins that story? to promote their superfriends and antibullying messages? and for what...peace and love? i guess the truth was too confusing to expect that people would have the "same" idea about it? if half the student body said "fuck rena virk, what a bitch" then they cant use her death to lessen the bullying of others. but arent we entitled to the true story? arent' we allowed to get all the facts so we can draw our own conclusions?

This a very common occurrence in uk , spin, liars, deceptions, misrepresentations, then from that quagmire of deceipt ,all forms of deeper seated deceit is installed in the subjects

Thanks for asking about those elephants Highnoon. I guess we all have to go through those same things, something to make us stronger or break. Those elephants are just trying to cope with what's out there it's no surprise at all what happens when they react.

It's hard to believe what lack of love can do to just anyone even those animals. I was born with no love in my life, and I never knew what it was. I literally cut myself off from this world growing up. And instead of ending my life or looking for things outside of myself, I somehow built up self love or something like that, I built up alot of it inside that I have always had so much empathy for others. I could have joined in with the crowd, or killed myself, or I could have had it all. But I choose none. I think I came out okay!!
I have to remind myself that Life cannot be stopped, it will always be. It can be worse it can be better, see it for what it is though. It's life and it's each and everyone of ours to take care of. Our Selves.

So yeah it's real interesting how everyone turns out just based on love and support. And I agree Flames it's the sole source of our dysfunctions, almost ended my life because of lack of love growing up.

How could I miss the word lifeforce in the thread title, very interesting you brought that up Highnoon. You know all about crazy so maybe you will understand this...
I really believe (whatever that means!) that love is a force and is experienced somewhat differently on other levels of consciousness or other points or places in other realms. Not only that but it's a very powerful force that beings can tap into and use on that level and not only that but bring it down to this realm and use it for not so good purposes, just look around. Religions use it, people use. Probably why it can really mess up someone. Evil uses it too, for it's own agenda.
It is similar to the energetics happening first and the physical is effected next. Definitely a great force of it's own, maybe what gives life it's own.

lol. problem with saying anything though is that the greatest understanding you get from understanding anything is understanding how understanding does nothing.

the concern is in general for future generations but i ask myself how being concerned helps? im concerned about how blah is, as i type this blah is happening worldwide. in Epic proportions. but dont worry "blah". theres a forum somewhere on the internet where people are exploring your distressful situation.


this is where i agree with tsarion in that people need to be concerned about their day to day. change from within on a person by person level. the only way being concerned about more is better. is if everybody starts being concerned about more. but if were going to be concerned about how others are only concerned with themselves. we ironically might as well start becoming more like what we are concerned about, because its concerning on our health the fact that we are giving energy towards things that people arent. at the end of the day the average phlebian is happier and healthier in the fact that he isnt concerning ourselves about us.

theres no average dude whose like "HEY, somewhere out there, theres forums where people are being concerned about the things i dont concern myself with and the fact that im not. im concerned about them" and then average people start a forum about us. if they were that aware. people like us wouldnt exist, because we'd be the norm.

I struggle with these thoughts that almost every intimate experience I've ever had, has an association of shame. This subject has re-appeared in my life again in a major way and I think it will continue to do so until I find out why and how to repair this problem. It is a big problem for me and I think that my destructive choices and behaviors are a result of this or at least a major factor. I know it began for me as a child. Having been sexed (introduced to adult sexuality) at a very early age and the fallout from some of the adults that were most likely sexually dysfunctional themselves. Having such a deep seeded shame about something so intrinsic has continuously affected all aspects of how I feel about myself. I see this now and it is very painful. It is difficult to examine these dark experiences and the resulting emotions attached to them. I try to view it in a way that is detached and without sentencing myself to a harsh judgement. What began this self destruction may have not been my fault directly, but every choice influenced by it and made after is my responsibility. I am nolonger a child but an injured and frightened child is still a part of me. I sometimes look at others that I perceive to have a healthier perspective of sexuality and I see something I don't think I've ever experienced directly. I look at them and I think that is how it should be. Maybe I see it that way because it seems to be the opposite of my experience.

big post blackbird.

the original sin not being our fault but choices we make after being our fault is very true. i think if we make bad choices its because we just feel that the bad choice is justice in some way. like we deserve to do it to make up for how we feel. i think thats what was going on with my former drug problem was that at the beginning it was a luxary that i felt i deserved to make up for things. but it became too common of a luxary and the escape became the prefered reality. blaming other stuff just doesnt cut it because the bottom line is that just i and nobody else was hurting me. instead of being hard on myself for being that way. im just good to myself now instead. im really only angry that i was weak. it takes no strength to use money to buy instant gratification. if i were to die or end up homeless due to that id deserve it.

I have something new to add.

Well i was thinking the other day about the handicap. Just the concept that they are frail and posture themselves awkwardly, seemingly unaware that how they appear at any givin moment portrays something about them. but like i was also noticing fashion magazines and the women have unnatural poses and that it looks kindof retarded. an unnatural frailty and it makes them seem extra feminine and sexy. the posture thing just came up again in QSC's post about racewalking, and he made the observation that his weird uncle does it. and i made the perhaps unfair assumption that the guy who collapsed was a homosexual with aids. it was a mean joke...but for some reason i feel that it is a homosexual sport.

obviously posture has something to do with sexuality. and there is a connection between the handicap IMO and femininity in that frailty or awkwardness is a theme to both. this is a very controversial observation.

but i am trying to get to the root of something. i feel that the theme of posture means something deeply. but posture isnt just how we are with our bodies its also the connection between minds. social posturing or behaviours. and to me homosexuality seems to be a jealousy of the opposite sex on some level and trying to bypass certain...rites of passage to earn sex with other beings. its like...a cop out.


and i think there is a connection between why the homosexual scene uses drugs like those poppers or amphetamines and and some seem unconcerned with aids, real phenomenon or not. i think drugs represent an entitlement to feeling. instead of doing things to earn certain feelings. you trade money for drugs and the drugs work on you. its a type of lie.
but homosexuality is also to me a type of lie because you're getting something for nothing. you goto the gay scene bars and instantly theres dudes hitting on you. its like the exact opposite of being hetero with earning a mate and courtships and flirting actually involves tests of skill. its like homosexuals just go..i like you. lets share our flesh because being gay is about being open and about being instantly rewarded for nothing. like a drug...and thats why homosexuals tend to use drugs in those barfly homo scenes.


to me also shemales or transexuals are also the ultimate cheats. ive observed some porno of them and its like their entire essence or being is involved in being completely over sensual about their body parts. and a lot of shemale porn tends to be masturbation.

to me anyone who becomes shemale or transgendered is like trying to cheat life by incorporating the other sex into themselves and then experiecing the other sex through themself. instead of going through all the rigamarole and finding how to be sexy as a women or sexy as a man. their brain has just decided to be sexy as the opposite. when i see a transgendered male to femaile i see a pathetic frail creature. but i also see frailness in female to men because female to men have not accepted their frail role and instead cast aside their natural frail role in place of the male bold/dominant role. male to female are too weak to be strong and female to male are too weak to be weak. if that makes sense.

to be found attractive as a shemale also is also a niche thing. maybe 5% of men like shemales.

so its like going...i will become a shemale so i can be gaurunteed 5% attention from the human population. instead of risking being a failure but maybe achieving near 100% approval.

people like scarlett johhanson are like 99% approved by men and even women to be sexy. but thats a high standard.

homosexuality just tends to be a lowering of standards by the subconscious and then consciously justified with current media jargon bullshit justifications and pride and reinforcement. do gay people really anaylze their behaviour before truly accepting their feelings?

serial killers also want to kill deep down.....doesnt mean it should be embraced. if you want to kill on a base level so badly that you pretty much have to you should try to look at it and rationalize your way out of that persona..thats not an acceptable persona to deem acceptable.

its a flaw obviously...but i just dont see how perpetuating a flaw is healthy for the human race.



the handicap thing...i didnt tie it in good enough....i lost my train of thought when i started that..oh yeah...just posturing....its posturing without self awareness. and i think homosexuality perhaps lacks true self awareness and understanding of why it feels it has to exist.

the difference between handicap people and homosexuals though is that homosexuals have the capacity to rationalize while the handicap are truly doomed and victims and trapped in their situation because of obvious lack of mental capacity.





everyone should strive to be best woman or best man that they can be..if that means winners and losers to be it. cheating failure by embracing a wider net or support group of approval by a certain niche scene, is just on the same line as drugs. and as a former dabbler in drugs i hate drugs and alcohol and find it to be limiting to the human race

unless its psycheldics. (refering to sex drugs or euphoria drugs like meth heroine coke)

Interesting post...stimulates a lot of thinking.

I do not find scarlett johhanson to be attractive and her most unappealing physical facial feature is her very odd lips and mouth.
Not to impressed with her acting either...just another celluloid corpse for others to project upon.

Sexuality is a complex issue. You have people born with the appropriate genitalia, no genitalia, two genitalia of each sex, or the seemingly opposite sex genitalia.
It seems like nature has no set rules on this matter. But society and individuals surely do.
Then you have issues of brain structure, function and chemistry figuring into sexual preference and behavior.
All of this bypassing the issues of free will or choice in the matter...or conditioning.

Although I make make humor regarding sex, I find the subject to be so vast with permutations that to lay some type of judgement against others for what they are or their choices regarding human affection or sexual gratification is not really making an argument. The argument is so miniscule to the realities and their manifestations that it is my criticial, judgemental or even damning opinion that deserves more scrutiny than someone's preferences or habits. How one feels about something they have no control or say so over is far more relevant.
The world is full of dysfunction and hate. If two, or perhaps more, people can find a few moments to experience something other than pain, suffering and death...no matter the mix...and it really has nothing to do with me or affects me directly, I can let it slide and allow my mind to be unburdened by the effect of other's choices in life.
That seems to be the natural take my own mind has adopted on the issue. I don't take serious issue with fags for being fags, because I just don't have the time...so fag away...and have a faggy good day all you cocksmoking, cumcatching, hungry anal gapers and carpetmunchers.

Forget Scarlett...this right here is where you want to be...

I dont see anything exceptional in scarlet johan either, as for that giant slug posted above .........yuck, but go back to victorian times and she is a wanted look

On the gaypride, im also happy to let them do as they please to each other as long as is does not overspill into my existence in an intrusive fashion

but observing the gay rights movement i uk, firstly they were underground, out of sight out of mind, then they slowly moved into public awareness, firstly through the media, then once got a foothold there, they go for some political right of recognition, gay rights, at which point they are tolerated by a so called open society but still perceived by the masses as an object of camp humour

This camp penomena is very important and used as a spearhead by the gay movement to make stronger headways and aquasitions of powerplays in society, media , politics , banking,once its ok to be gay, they start popping their heads up al over the place, then at some point its cool to be gay , the army grows stronger

But still at this point in development , what they actualy do behind closed doors is never publically scrutinised nor debated.

The camp or cool cloak is a perfect shield against such scrutiny and the media controls these chips and how they play

im watching with interest on gay and womens rights movements , how they will show their corruption and what happens next

the gender question is one that ive never considered, as people like julius evola have made much greater insteps to invetigate such matters in print

I am with the sentiment that do as one pleases and you know, huddle near whatever fire you may start as the universe is a vast darkness beyond the reaches of your campfire so to speak.

but i just dont care to dismiss it or let it go as a human behaviour just because two people are enjoying each other. drug addicts enjoy their behaviour too...when they've got their dope. gayness and other gay people are a constant available resource, at any givin time theres someone available for sex. but what if it ran out and become expensive somehow to engage in sexuality at all? this goes for heterosexuality too.


its just that heterosexuality fascillitates a purpose. nature makes mistakes. genetics are a program of sorts and the coding can can messed up and abberations exist. but making more people is the basis of life. procreation. what are humans if the day comes when sex is taken away from us somehow? and procreation doesnt even fall into the hands of heterosexuals or homosexuals. but government. or some kindof system or program. heterosexuals at the moment can also exist without homosexuals. but homosexuals cant really exist without hetersexual couples either. kids grow up most are straight some are gay, right now whatever its called when women get paid to be artificially inseminated is really rare. right now heterosexual relationships are whats driving the human race...i dont want to see that changed by a growing percentage of homosexual preference, or a preference for even heterosexual couples to have less children or have vesectomies to pursue a growing like towards hedonistic opportunistic sex.

kids have to grow up in an environment. thats the bottom line...and i just feel that the traditional mother and father is the the best environment. not group homes...not government care systems...not 5 gay people and lesbian adopting 9 children from 9 countries. but having brothers and sisters or genetic likeness and seeing where you come from when you look into your mom or dads face, you see the resemblence.

im just interested in perserving the idealistic childhood experience...for childrens sake. because children are the future people.


if kapis is saying hes wary of the promotion of gayness..then id agree. i dont find gay sex disturbing persay. its not about that at all.

its more about..if youre going to act a certain way. in any way...you should understand why.

and if its being promoted as a human behaviour..to understand the motives of those promoters


then theres other things that you can throw into the mix..like how class of 1960 and 1970's graduating classes all look like todays almost 30 year olds. puberty happened harder and earler 30 years ago. males tend to be a little androgenious..due to what? soy and shit?

im almost 27 and still growing thicker batches of hair on my chest stomach....i am actually still growing taller. like a half a centimeter each year. maybe this is genetic...but i have my suspicions. that my hormone levels are tampered with.

does this influence my sex drive? probably. probably my mood too. probably everything. what can i do about it? probably nothing but try to find the best harmony i can and just try to feed my children if i happen to have any. as real and natural stuff as possibly. so they grow and develop healthy mind body and spirit.


cause i guess i havnt. im aware enough to know that i havnt.




ill also state im straight and even have a thing for black girls...but not ones quit that thick...

id still hit that though.

In the uk, gayness is really being established in society as an acceptable deviation of human sexuality which a proportion of the population are seemingly prone to .
There is no official investigation into why people are gay as far as im aware
But there are ongoing and plenty of inroads being made for gay rights in the political and societal arenas

i cant deny that many gay people have been very creative in certain areas of human expression

Taking elton john as an example , hes made a lot of excellent pop tunes over the years , also a lot of garbage, when elton sings about love etc, the majority of female listeners probably without question start dreaming of a hetro romance but in truth elton would have been singing about some hairy assed loverboy and while doing so, encapsulated millions of listeners and buyers of his records around the globe with his lyrics

Also i wonder about these gay marriages and then adopting poor vulnerable children to raise under this umbrella

When elton is bathing his adopted vulnerable nude son, is elton going to get any sexual active thoughts about this vulnerable soul, i know this is sick subject , but its possible that a gay marriage may condition up a gay adopted child , impregnated and broken in or not so , its equally possible that they may bring up a free choiced child , but we are all heavily influenced by our keepers during the early years

Yes a lot of questions are arisen by this gender question for society which isnt really that interested in answering them or even asking the question , in fact the opposite is occuring , as sex change , adjustments become more normal every year

If one knows what to look for, one can identify gay kids at a kindergarten. As some are already gay...some are just born that way.
This is not universal regarding gayness...but one factor to consider.