Random Humor

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THE BIGGEST JOKE EVER

Post  Sputnik on Wed 08 Dec 2010, 05:01

The US gov't is hosting 'press freedom day'...

http://www.state.gov/r/pa/prs/ps/2010/12/152465.htm

"the state dept is concerned about other governments inhibiting free speech." lol!
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Re: Random Humor

Post  KapitanScarlet on Tue 08 Mar 2011, 01:41

Sheen is no longer an actor as his private life has completly overspilled his working life, hes now just pure unadulterated charliesheen, winning and getting it on with whatever and whoever he can....because quite simply he can , and he is
Its a nice public experiment in hedonism laced with discipline and luv according to charlie
Be interesting to see how long it holds public attention for and where will he go with it , i expect he will develop the public discussion areas on issues that concern him
And will other actors / musicians start following suit - getting it on Very Happy in a group multiplier effect
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Re: Random Humor

Post  quicksilvercrescendo on Thu 10 Mar 2011, 18:04

Just like a light bulb, perhaps Sheen is burning as brightly as he ever will...just before the burnout.
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Re: Random Humor

Post  KapitanScarlet on Sun 13 Mar 2011, 04:01

he says in one of his interviews hes scared of dying but accepts its inevetability but would be very happy to live an extended life till 90


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Re: Random Humor

Post  KapitanScarlet on Mon 14 Mar 2011, 12:31

Kapis wrote:Sheen is no longer an actor as his private life has completly overspilled his working life, hes now just pure unadulterated charliesheen, winning and getting it on with whatever and whoever he can....because quite simply he can , and he is
Its a nice public experiment in hedonism laced with discipline and luv according to charlie
Be interesting to see how long it holds public attention for and where will he go with it , i expect he will develop the public discussion areas on issues that concern him And will other actors / musicians start following suit - getting it on Very Happy in a group multiplier effect

Cool Very Happy looking forward to it Charlie



14/03/2011 09:49
LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - Tickets for Charlie Sheen's shows in Detroit and Chicago next month sold out just 18 minutes after they went on sale. The time is a Ticketmaster record, according to TMZ.com..

More dates are reportedly planned for his tour, dubbed "Charlie Sheen LIVE: My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option." In the meantime, the fired star of "Two and a Half Men" will play Detroit's Fox Theatre on April 2, and the Chicago Theatre on April 3.

Sheen announced the tour Thursday on Twitter. Ticketmaster listed seat prices as $35-70, not including fees. His official website added that $1 from every ticket sold will be donated to the Red Cross to earthquake victims in Japan.

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Its friday

Post  highnoon on Fri 25 Mar 2011, 17:13

Its friday, friday.
Finally
Yesterday was thursday









http://i54.tinypic.com/5odms4.jpg
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Re: Random Humor

Post  highnoon on Sat 09 Jul 2011, 17:21

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Re: Random Humor

Post  tgII on Thu 04 Aug 2011, 01:43

Announcing 'Project Mayhem':

Global Movement to say "blow me" to the TSA - X-RAY VISIBLE Signage

Instructions:

Provide hidden x-ray messages on a plain paper sheet (aluminum foil letters sandwiched between two white sheets of paper) placed so the luggage can be read when x-rayed. But only the x-ray monitor-person will see it! Be sure to wink back....

Possible ideas for aluminum foil signage:

  • IF YOU ARE READING
    THIS, YOU CAN BITE
    BITE MY TOOL.


or

  • I SEE YOU TOO
    - YOU FOOL -
    GET A REAL JOB


or

  • HEY STUPID
    BET YOU WISH
    YOU DID BETTER
    IN SCHOOL NOW!


or

  • HEY NUMBNUTS
    YOU NEED A NEW
    JOB - YA NITWIT


or

  • HA HA - YOU JOKE
    YOU JUST LET THREE
    TERRORISTS THROUGH
    YOUR SILLY-BULLSHIT


or

  • MY TITS ARE BIGGER
    THAN YOUR TITS.
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Re: Random Humor

Post  highnoon on Fri 19 Aug 2011, 06:15

^^ when i get a passport and travel ill remember this idea. mine will just be a human hand making the middle finger haha.


now for my joke.





A Woman was out playing golf one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.


Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

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..
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The man had a heart attack ten times "milder" than his wife ....


Moral of the story: Women are not really smart, they just think they are.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humour.
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Re: Random Humor

Post  highnoon on Sun 18 Sep 2011, 08:53

A story about a friend of mine who works retail. He posted this on a gaming forum

Meet Mrs. B


I won't mention her name but we'll just call her Mrs. B. She is the worst client we have at our branch by far. My coworkers told me stories about her it sounded like something straight out of a movie of the stereotypical old person from hell. She's pushing mid 70s, wears depends, smells horrible, walks with two canes, has bugs in her hair, a hoarder, and she's a landlord lol.

Whenever I have spoken to her on the phone she's very picky, demanding and has an order to how she wants things processed. The branch manager told me she liked me because I was very professional sounding over the phone. However my manager also told me she made a very racist comment about the person I replaced at the branch.

Anyway, fast forward to when she finally shows up one day. She comes shambling up to the door and I say, "No way, it can't be." Right as I say that one of the tellers looks up and makes this awful face and yells it to the whole branch that Mrs. B is about to come in. So me being the professional I am I greet her at the door and introduce myself. She looks at me a bit and kind of stares then nods her head. At that moment I realize that she realizes I'm not white, although I sounded white over the phone. I offer to shake her hand upon introduction and she gives me a fist full of checks to deposit. I smile, take them then still extend my hand to shake hers. She shakes her head and says, "Na uh, I don't shake hands, you keep your germs to yourself thank you very much."

So we're off to a great start, she sits at my desk and I process her deposit slip as well as take down a list of other demands she has. She wants all nine of her checks photocopied. I comply and do so, and I KNEW she would want all of them facing one direction on the sheets of copied paper. I purposely left one facing the other way just to have some fun with her. I deposit her checks then sit back down at my desk and give her the receipts as well as the copies. She says "I trust you copied the deposit slip as well", in a rather gotcha-like voice. I tell her yes I did and she's surprised/disappointed and says thank you. Then she looks through her copies carefully trying to find an error.

She finds one of the checks i copied is facing a different direction than the others. She furrows up her brow and her mouth just hangs open, I already know what's about to happen. I try my best not to laugh, I never let anyone's comments bother me. Why give someone that kind of power over you? She looks up at me and shakes her head and looks to be in total shock. "Is this what professionalism looks like to you, Mr. Jamall?"

*smiling "No ma'am, that's just how it copied"

Her: "Were you drunk when you made these copies?!"

*smiling "No ma'am that's just how it copied"

Her: "So, I guess the heavens just OPENED UP and it fell on the printer and you just accepted it as is?!"

*smiling "No ma'am that's just how it happened to get copied"

Well she gives up trying to push buttons and starts talking to me about how she got into the business of being a landlord. She said she lived in an apartment complex next to a latino family with a baby that wouldn't stop crying. She complained to the landlord to make them move out so she could have peace and quiet but the landlord couldn't do anything.

"So do you know what I did, Mr. Jamall? I BOUGHT the entire complex and then I EVICTED THEM IMMEDIATELY." Then she shook her copies of her checks at me and said that's what started her down the path to owning apartment complexes. My branch manager says the way she makes money is she lets people move into her apartments that can't afford to or keep up the payments reliably. If they are even one day late on their rent, she evicts them, then keeps the initial deposit. She rakes in about 9-10 grand every month. She owns a lot of these places around the city.

After that encounter, she never wants to deal with me anymore. She knows I'm black (biracial but whatever) and she's racist. When she comes to our branch she parks across THREE parking spaces. Last time she was there, she parked across two 15 minute spots and one handicap spot lol. Her car doesn't go into reverse so she can't park in a way where she would need reverse. Her car is packed to the brim with a hoarder's gold mine of shit. She once told one of our tellers to help her push her car one day when it wouldn't start. She told the teller exercise would do her some good. She told this to a teller with a bad heart lol.

She is the worst person I have ever had to deal with in my life because she is genuine believes in the comments she makes.

When the branch manager with a stone face says "there's a special place in hell for people like her" you've got a real winner. Some poor lady operating her own house cleaning service unknowingly cleaned a rental house Mrs. B owned. Mrs. B comes into our branch and suggests we get on our hands and knees and scrub the carpets because they are not to her standards. Our carpets are as spotless as they can be with decent traffic everyday. You can imagine this poor lady got torn a new one when Mrs. B evaluated her cleaning.

Mrs. B walked into the branch followed by the woman and her daughter. I thought it was her family at first but Mrs. B went and sat with another banker (white person) to withdraw money and the woman and her daughter sat at my desk. This lady was so angry she was almost in tears telling me how awful of a human being Mrs. B was and that she had never in her life met someone so cruel. She said, "I've had to deal with some shitty people in my lifetime but this shit makes me rethink my whole perspective of this world." I tried to calm her down while her check was being processed. Mrs. B got a check printed up for the lady and made her walk over and get it out of her hand, she wouldn't even get up to hand it to the lady.

Once they all left out of the branch, I went to the back door to look out the window and sure enough Mrs. B had taken up three parking spaces again. The other lady and her daughter sped past Mrs. B's parked car, honked the horn, and both mother and daughter flipped her off. Words can't really describe how this woman interacts with society. I truly am curious as to what turned her into what she is now. I've only heard and seen the tip of the iceberg on her. I know my day is coming when she will try to push my buttons real bad.
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Re: Random Humor

Post  quicksilvercrescendo on Fri 21 Oct 2011, 17:44

That's just it...it doesn't require your attention...for it is intended for your subconscious...which soaks it up like a sponge.
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Re: Random Humor

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